Twerking and Spanx

Hey sweet friends, I am so sad that I am so behind on reading everyone's blogs, I promise I will get to it very soon. While on the road yesterday between Odessa and Fort Worth I had some time between singing my heart out to get come confessions together for Kathy's Humpday Confessions.

I confess...I think the real reason why my dogs hate riding in the car is because of the lack of singing ability I have.

I confess...at my sister's wedding rehearsal, I twerked in front of her soon-to-be stepdaughter.

I confess...halfway through the wedding reception, I took off my Spanx and was "free balling" the rest of the evening.

I confess...that I'm considering getting a 4' tall redneck pool from Walmart.com because Texas Summers are fucking hot!

I confess...I don't wash my hair but every 3 days or so, because ain't nobody got time for that! But no really it takes me forever and a day to wash this mop.

I confess...that just this week Michael and I have already googled "race of Panda Express's owners", "white beans", "Todd Chrisley gay" and "Justin Bieber's neck tattoo"...I am seriously beginning to think we have a problem with googling shit.

I confess...that I HATE working out and eating "right". It's complete bullshit.

I confess...that we have been so busy lately that all I really want to do right now is to sit on my ass at home and watch some mindless reality TV.

 

Wedding, Basketball & Easter Recap

Hey Friends! 

I have missed ya'll so much!
I feel like I have told y'all  how busy I am in every post I have wrote in the last 3 months, but I swear I really am. So here is a quick recap of why I feel like a hot mess...We had my sister's wedding this past weekend where I was a total badass when it came to my Maid of Honor duties. I totally rocked...if I do say so myself!

Lane had his regional basketball tournament, of course he rocked it out. Because he learned all his skills from his step mom! :) They did lose out, which isn't completely terrible because Nationals were 8 hours away. Please refrain from the judging me for being ok with our team losing...y'all do as much traveling as we do then you can judge me! :)

Our Easter was wonderful, we went to Michael's grandmothers' house...where she informed me in Spanish that I better be pregnant next time she sees me. I wanted to tell her that her grandson and I needed to have more sex to up our odds...but I didn't. :) Lane has grown out of Easter egg hunting so he helps his toddler age cousins.  

Humpday Confessions

I confess...that Facebook pisses me the hell off. If it is not your 4th cousin, twice removed posting only "Goodnight."....then it's your 2nd grade teacher posting 2,000,001 pictures of her old fat cat. Pleaseeee...Shut your face.

I confess...my hairline is receding. After closely studying pictures of myself from high school my hairline is not in the same place as it was 10 years ago. So does mean I'm gonna be bald by 60!?!

I confess...my last pair of Nikes' were purchased in kids' sizes. They were $45 cheaper than the women's and a size 7 in kids...is a size 8 in women's. BAM! I'm $45 richer...

I confess...I will practice rapping abilities by listening to a song 93 times until I memorize it.

I confess...last week I did some research and got pricing on having laser hair removal on my cookie.

I confess...that seeing Jerry Jones on the ACM's made me nauseated.

I confess...that I feel cool because several of Lane's 6th grade friends and girlfriends want to follow me on Instagram.

I confess...I cut my own hair a few weeks ago...now I'm embarrassed to go to my hair dresser because she will notice I had a true toddler moment and cut random pieces of my hair with paper scissors.

I confess...that I do not put all my makeup on unless I know I'm gonna see someone I really dislike or any of my Michael's exes.

I confess...that I enjoy the smell of fresh paint...which is why I get nervous when they card me for my paint at Home Depot...I feel like they "know" my secret.

Now it is your turn, go link-up with funny lady Kathy for Humpday Confessions!

Also, my girl Lindsay @ Broke and Bougie is co-hosting with Liz @ Fitness Blondie for a Blog Hop.

I really want to have a giveaway soon...but I haven't decided on anything particular so if anyone has any advice, or would like to join me please shoot me a email.
Email

Bachelorette Madness

Hey there! I am somewhat behind on my weekend recap, so excuse the tardiness. As ya'll know I travelled to Austin for my sister's last party weekend as a single lady, which should explain why I still feel like I am dying.

Let's get right to it...

I drank more than most AA members consume in a lifetime and I took some really shitty photos.

The end.

The girls at Coyote Ugly Austin are better than the rest. :)



This is probably my favorite picture of the night, she couldn't even talk by the time we got back to the hotel sooo offfff course what kind of sister would I be if I didn't photograph it.



This is what your face looks like after you get drunk on 6th street.
Thank you, Austin.

Cute Kiddos and Drunk Selfies

Happy Friday!
We have been so damn busy lately that I have not had time to even try to think about sitting down to put together a post. 

For example...we have 2 basketball tournaments, a baseball tournament, 2 weddings, a bachelorette party, then a bachelor party and then Lane's birthday...and that's just the next few weeks. I feel more like a crazy person that usual, so please share the crazy pills.

Then to top off all my bitchin'...Texas weather has been just plain stupid lately, we have "cold fronts" or rain every couple days so my allergies are HORRIBLE right now, my head feels like it's the size of a fucking watermelon! Andddd the humidity is so high that my long curly hair looks like a

short and voluptuous, but legit afro.  

Ok. I'm done whining.

Moving on... 

Today I am linking up with Darci at The Good Life for Five on Friday to give ya'll a brief fly-by of my busy weekend/week!

{ONE}

This past weekend we drove 2 hours to Fort Worth for my niece Payton's volleyball game and her birthday party at the trampoline park. Then, we had her mama's/my sister-n-law's 40th birthday party. Overall...we had a BLAST!

Payton & Lane after her first volleyball game of the season.

{TWO}

After the game we had Payton's 8th birthday party at Altitude Trampoline park in Fort Worth. Even though it smelled like feet, it's an awesome place to take kids for them to burn off all that damn energy!   

I can't even handle how cute these kiddos are!!!
Aubree, Lane & Payton 

{THREE}

OK...after all the kid activities...everything went to shit, so around 7pm that night. :)

I know as a blogger you are suppose to post "good quality" pictures but I truly didn't have any....#blameitonthealcohol

Yep...Drunk Duck Face Selfies.

Does it get any worse, folks?!?

OK. You guys get the idea.

 The vodka made us think we could do just about anything.
{FOUR}

Moving on, this weekend I leave for Austin for my sister's bachelorette party. It will probably consist of other photos that look like the shit storm from above and the madness that takes place in Austin! :)

This is the shirt I ordered to wear this weekend...I'm super excited!

{FIVE}

After being returned from the first home I placed her in because her car sister hated her, Lexi has found an awesome home with an old classmate of mine who has 2 kids that will love her forever.

She was dumped at our rural home a few weeks ago so if I ever find the piece of shit that dumped this 2.9lb baby, I swear I will throat punch him or her as hard as I can! :)

Have a FABULOUS weekend!

32 Things That Make Me Happy

1. Walking barefoot in my yard.

2. When I pass a old lady who is wearing the same perfume, I remember my grandmommy wore.

3. A pool in the middle of a Texas summer.

4. Laughing so hard that it's difficult to stop.

5. Sunglasses

6. Being proud of a tough decision.

7. Red Velvet cupcakes.

8. Baseball season

9. When Michael said "You're right."

10. Getting packages in the mail.

11. Changing from work clothes into yoga pants.

12. My mother-in-law's homemade tortillas.

13.Compliments

14.When I wakeup and realize I still 20 minutes until my alarm goes off.

15. The smell of Michael's cologne

16. Sleeping in my own bed after being out of town.

17. Hearing little kids laughing and talking.

18. Cooking dinner and my boys actually liking it and asking for it again.

19. Experiencing Christmas morning as a bonus mom and aunt.

20. Getting a pedicure on your day off during the middle of week.

21. Lane proudly wearing #4.

22. Good music

23.Climbing into bed at night with freshly laundered sheets.

24. Finding money in jackets you haven't wore since last season.

25. Pinterest...Nowadays I don't even know what the hell I did without it.

26. Bud Light Lime.

27. My DVR.

28. Meeting new people.

29. Anything, chevron, sparkly or turquoise.

30. Seeing how excited my dogs are to see me everyday when I get home. Now if I can just get Michael to be THAT excited to see me everyday. :)

31. Neon signs

32. My blog...I love it and it makes me uber happy!

Be sure and go link-up with Erin!