Twerking and Spanx

Hey sweet friends, I am so sad that I am so behind on reading everyone's blogs, I promise I will get to it very soon. While on the road yesterday between Odessa and Fort Worth I had some time between singing my heart out to get come confessions together for Kathy's Humpday Confessions.

I confess...I think the real reason why my dogs hate riding in the car is because of the lack of singing ability I have.

I confess...at my sister's wedding rehearsal, I twerked in front of her soon-to-be stepdaughter.

I confess...halfway through the wedding reception, I took off my Spanx and was "free balling" the rest of the evening.

I confess...that I'm considering getting a 4' tall redneck pool from Walmart.com because Texas Summers are fucking hot!

I confess...I don't wash my hair but every 3 days or so, because ain't nobody got time for that! But no really it takes me forever and a day to wash this mop.

I confess...that just this week Michael and I have already googled "race of Panda Express's owners", "white beans", "Todd Chrisley gay" and "Justin Bieber's neck tattoo"...I am seriously beginning to think we have a problem with googling shit.

I confess...that I HATE working out and eating "right". It's complete bullshit.

I confess...that we have been so busy lately that all I really want to do right now is to sit on my ass at home and watch some mindless reality TV.

 

Humpday Confessions

I confess...that Facebook pisses me the hell off. If it is not your 4th cousin, twice removed posting only "Goodnight."....then it's your 2nd grade teacher posting 2,000,001 pictures of her old fat cat. Pleaseeee...Shut your face.

I confess...my hairline is receding. After closely studying pictures of myself from high school my hairline is not in the same place as it was 10 years ago. So does mean I'm gonna be bald by 60!?!

I confess...my last pair of Nikes' were purchased in kids' sizes. They were $45 cheaper than the women's and a size 7 in kids...is a size 8 in women's. BAM! I'm $45 richer...

I confess...I will practice rapping abilities by listening to a song 93 times until I memorize it.

I confess...last week I did some research and got pricing on having laser hair removal on my cookie.

I confess...that seeing Jerry Jones on the ACM's made me nauseated.

I confess...that I feel cool because several of Lane's 6th grade friends and girlfriends want to follow me on Instagram.

I confess...I cut my own hair a few weeks ago...now I'm embarrassed to go to my hair dresser because she will notice I had a true toddler moment and cut random pieces of my hair with paper scissors.

I confess...that I do not put all my makeup on unless I know I'm gonna see someone I really dislike or any of my Michael's exes.

I confess...that I enjoy the smell of fresh paint...which is why I get nervous when they card me for my paint at Home Depot...I feel like they "know" my secret.

Now it is your turn, go link-up with funny lady Kathy for Humpday Confessions!

Also, my girl Lindsay @ Broke and Bougie is co-hosting with Liz @ Fitness Blondie for a Blog Hop.

I really want to have a giveaway soon...but I haven't decided on anything particular so if anyone has any advice, or would like to join me please shoot me a email.
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My Makeup Hates My Face

Do you ever feel like your makeup dislikes your face and its on a secret mission to make you look as worse as possible on the day your bound to run into your husband's ex girlfriend?? Well. I do. It's how I have been feeling lately and it's beginning to make me cray cray! I apply my makeup pretty much the same way every time, and majority of the time it looks great, and I'm oh so happy. But thennn I can do the exact same steps a couple days later and instead of looking flawless, I look like I was spawned from circus clown rejects.

So, WTF?! Why?!

 I can not be the only one who has had this problem....It is kinda like bad hair days, one day you have Kim Kardashian before she went dishwasher blonde and the day following you look as though your an extra on the set of The Lion King. I guess my makeup or face just has bad days? I moisturizes, use great makeup and makeup brushes, so I do not know why my makeup and face won't cooperate everyday...