Twerking and Spanx

Hey sweet friends, I am so sad that I am so behind on reading everyone's blogs, I promise I will get to it very soon. While on the road yesterday between Odessa and Fort Worth I had some time between singing my heart out to get come confessions together for Kathy's Humpday Confessions.

I confess...I think the real reason why my dogs hate riding in the car is because of the lack of singing ability I have.

I confess...at my sister's wedding rehearsal, I twerked in front of her soon-to-be stepdaughter.

I confess...halfway through the wedding reception, I took off my Spanx and was "free balling" the rest of the evening.

I confess...that I'm considering getting a 4' tall redneck pool from Walmart.com because Texas Summers are fucking hot!

I confess...I don't wash my hair but every 3 days or so, because ain't nobody got time for that! But no really it takes me forever and a day to wash this mop.

I confess...that just this week Michael and I have already googled "race of Panda Express's owners", "white beans", "Todd Chrisley gay" and "Justin Bieber's neck tattoo"...I am seriously beginning to think we have a problem with googling shit.

I confess...that I HATE working out and eating "right". It's complete bullshit.

I confess...that we have been so busy lately that all I really want to do right now is to sit on my ass at home and watch some mindless reality TV.

 

Cute Kiddos and Drunk Selfies

Happy Friday!
We have been so damn busy lately that I have not had time to even try to think about sitting down to put together a post. 

For example...we have 2 basketball tournaments, a baseball tournament, 2 weddings, a bachelorette party, then a bachelor party and then Lane's birthday...and that's just the next few weeks. I feel more like a crazy person that usual, so please share the crazy pills.

Then to top off all my bitchin'...Texas weather has been just plain stupid lately, we have "cold fronts" or rain every couple days so my allergies are HORRIBLE right now, my head feels like it's the size of a fucking watermelon! Andddd the humidity is so high that my long curly hair looks like a

short and voluptuous, but legit afro.  

Ok. I'm done whining.

Moving on... 

Today I am linking up with Darci at The Good Life for Five on Friday to give ya'll a brief fly-by of my busy weekend/week!

{ONE}

This past weekend we drove 2 hours to Fort Worth for my niece Payton's volleyball game and her birthday party at the trampoline park. Then, we had her mama's/my sister-n-law's 40th birthday party. Overall...we had a BLAST!

Payton & Lane after her first volleyball game of the season.

{TWO}

After the game we had Payton's 8th birthday party at Altitude Trampoline park in Fort Worth. Even though it smelled like feet, it's an awesome place to take kids for them to burn off all that damn energy!   

I can't even handle how cute these kiddos are!!!
Aubree, Lane & Payton 

{THREE}

OK...after all the kid activities...everything went to shit, so around 7pm that night. :)

I know as a blogger you are suppose to post "good quality" pictures but I truly didn't have any....#blameitonthealcohol

Yep...Drunk Duck Face Selfies.

Does it get any worse, folks?!?

OK. You guys get the idea.

 The vodka made us think we could do just about anything.
{FOUR}

Moving on, this weekend I leave for Austin for my sister's bachelorette party. It will probably consist of other photos that look like the shit storm from above and the madness that takes place in Austin! :)

This is the shirt I ordered to wear this weekend...I'm super excited!

{FIVE}

After being returned from the first home I placed her in because her car sister hated her, Lexi has found an awesome home with an old classmate of mine who has 2 kids that will love her forever.

She was dumped at our rural home a few weeks ago so if I ever find the piece of shit that dumped this 2.9lb baby, I swear I will throat punch him or her as hard as I can! :)

Have a FABULOUS weekend!

Definitely a Dog Lady.

Well folks...I'm showin' my love again this week by linking up with funny lady Kathy and her man crush Ryan Gosling over at Vodka & Soda. This week I'm going to really try to get down to the nitty gritty of why I am a complete nut case over my dogs.

I would like to take this time to thank Kathy for being the cheapest therapy this girl could ask for each week.

                    Jackie                                                             Scooter         

 -To protect Jackie, I pick up and hide all the feathers of the decent chickens that she has stolen from our neighbors. How white trash and sketchy does that really sound?!

-When Scooter is humping his boy cousins, I tell Lane he is just trying to get a piggy back ride.

-When travelling and we make a pit stop...my dogs will poop...and I don't always pick it up! Free fertilizer, your welcome!

-Scooter is a homosexual and I accept him for who he is.

-If I'm home alone, my dogs go into the bathroom with me no matter what event is taking place. Beeeecause in my head that will be the time a murder will enter my house and break into the bathroom. At that point my fur balls will unleash their inner beast and chew his knees off!

-I find myself sometimes bargaining with my dogs. "Scooter, if you let me sleep 10 more minutes, I'll give you extra Scooby snacks!"

-If either of my dogs stick their tongue in my drink....I don't always get a new one.


-I say "Bless You" when my dogs sneeze.

Happy Humpday, friends!

When no one is looking...

Good Morning Lovebugs! 

With the Hubs working some crazy hours lately and giving baseball lessons when he is actually off work, I have found myself at home more often then I use to. So, I got to thinking about the things I do when I'm by myself and decided to share a few with you guys.

 I really hope we can all still be friends after this this. :)

When no one is looking…

-I talk to myself in the bath room mirror to see how my face looks while I’m talking.

-I google how to spell….ALOT.

-I put on my favorite pants and check out my ass.

-I have very long and deep conversations with my dog.

-I watch Honey Boo Boo...

-I also smell my dog's paws, because they smell weird! 

-I dance like Beyonce while I’m checking out what is in the fridge.

-I have ate PB & J sandwiches for breakfast.

-I practice accents, if I can’t look like Sofia Vergara I will just try to sound like her.

-I will make faces or mouth words when my husband turns around.

-I have drank wine out of the bottle.

Happy Tuesday!

Make Today Great! :)

Five on Friday Linkup

Hey Ya'll!!! Happy Friday/Weekend!

Today I'm linking up for the very FIRST time with Darci @ The Good Life for Five on Friday!

Since I have not had the chance to introduce you guys to the fur babies in my life, I thought I would take this time to do all the while linking up with some awesome blogs/ladies!

-ONE-

This is the time where my hubby starts rolling his eyes because my obsession love for my little nugget, Scooter! I remember picking up this little 8 month old fur ball from a North Dallas shelter and he was so afraid of everybody. Without a hesitation the woman in me was like "I can fix him!" Hahaha! And I did just that...today I have a spastic, loving, vocal, sweet, but mischievous dog! :)

-TWO-

But the best part about Scooter is that when JL is on his way to the house. I can tell Scooter and he will stand at the front door until he sees the hubby's truck pull in the driveway, then it's whining up until JL opens the door. But I as soon as that door opens, he goes completely bat shit crazy! I will have to video and post soon because it is seriously hilarious! 

Waiting for JL to get out of school, the sea of kids was bit of a mind overload for him! 

-THREE-

I really wish we could know what he dreams about too, because he barks, whines, runs and shakes all in his sleep! So we sometimes give a story to his dreams...There usually pretty interesting, :)

-FOUR-

We found this love bug wondering around my SIL's pasture, she was about 25lbs underweight and had several open cuts. After seeing "42" JL decided on Jackie for her name, so now she's our lazy guard dog who likes to try to dig to China.

This is her "maybe if I don't move she won't see I dug this big ass hole in the yard" face!

-FIVE-

This is Iggy aka Marly, she went to her forever home this past week and I could not be happier! Our neighbors found her at around 4 weeks so this home is definitely a happy ending! :)  A HUGE thank you to Amber @ Unbreak-A-Bull for all the help with the adoption!

Hope everyone has an awesome weekend!

Follow me on Pinterest and Instagram @ kmfuentes12!!!